Warning to all Mary Sue Writers:
by Living-Loving-Laughing14
Summary: What do you get when you add extreme boredom... and an author that just feels like poking fun at Mary-Sues? That's right. The Ultimate Mary Sue story. WARNING: Rated 'T' for extremely bad Mary-Sueness. I promise, that once you've read this, you'll never want to make a Mary Sue story ever again.
1. Chapter 1

**Here's a random parody I wrote while bored. ITS A PARODY! ITS NOT A SERIOUS PIECE OF WRITING! **

**I don't own PJO! **

Hi! My name is Jez'ybelya Mare'eeaxx Adry'ellexx Lurvlleeei Glymmerfli Sapph'yre Hunnipot Sweetyec'akezxx Jones!

You can call me Jez for short!

Everyone says that I'm perfect, but I'm _not! _

Just because I have long , flowing golden hair down to my waist and deep, soulful violet eyes that seem to reach into your very soul... _does __**not **__mean I'm perfect! _

Sure, all the boys want to go out with me. It's not _my _fault that I was born... so... _perfect! _

They all flock towards my melodious voice and my killer beauty...

But I always turn them down as my cruel, revolting, hideous, repugnant, pitiless, malicious, spiteful, vindictive stepfather would beat me.

My cruel, revolting, hideous, repugnant, pitiless, malicious, spiteful, vindictive stepmom would lock me in my room and deprive me of food.

I have no friends, just a group of dedicated admirers that would give their lives for me.

So, no friends.

This may sound crazy but... I have always felt a strange connection with the Greek Gods of Olympus!

It all started like this...

"Bruce! Please stop!' I choked out as he mercilessly suffocated my toast with Vegemite.

**-Line Break- **

He sipped his piccolo latte calmly and watched me suffer over my dilemma.

"Bruce!" I wailed, contorting my face into a heartrending expression. It wasn't hard, for a superb actress like me.  
"I _cannot _eat this... foul... _thing!" _ I flung my hand over my eyes and looked away.

My stepmom, Glenda surveyed me over her newspaper.

I gulped, hoping she would take pity.

"If you don't like it, then don't eat it!" Glenda snapped.

"_Fine!" _ I flung my bag over my shoulder and stormed out the door dramatically.

I was very good at being dramatic.

"Jez!" One of my dedicated admirers that would give their lives for me, waved enthusiastically at me.

I gave a dismissal sigh and said, "Hi Michelle!"

"Jez, what's wrong? Is it Bruce and Glenda?" Michelle asked, her face turning worried.

"Yes." I tried to hold back my tears from the terrible injustice that befell me.

"What did they do?" Michelle inquired, bemused as to why anyone would hurt me.

"Bruce put..." I stifled a sob "... too much Vegemite on my toast." I gorgeously broke down into tears on the side of the street.

Michelle comforted me, being the one of the good dedicated admirers that would give their lives for me that I deserved.

We walked into the school gates and immediately everyone stopped what they were doing to stare at me.

Well, who wouldn't? After all, I _am _Jez'ybelya Mare'eeaxx Adry'ellexx Lurvlleeei Glymmerfli Sapph'yre Hunnipot Sweetyec'akezxx Jones!

I motioned for them all to rise and swept into my first period classroom. Our English teacher, Mr Preston was handing out our essays back.

Not surprisingly, I'd gotten an A++ onmy sheet.

Oops! I forgot to mention that as well as being the prettiest at my school, I was also the smartest!

My only imperfections were my ADHD and dyslexia. Even with those two ailments, I _still _managed to maintain my 4.0 GPA and my astronomically high IQ.

I relaxed in my chair and put my feet up on my desk. Janice Steward, a hopeless wannabe copied me, but she looked nowhere _near _as awesome as I did.

"_Janice Stewart! Get your feet off that desk __**now!**__" _ Mr Preston's face turned an interesting shade of crimson.

"Jez, would you please not sit like that?" I simpered sickeningly at him and took my feet off the desk.

Suddenly a random... _hydra _burst through the wall! I wasn't frightened. After all, who would be?

It was _only _a... fifty headed snake thing that seemed intent on crushing me to death.

I grabbed my eraser, tapped it twice and... it magically turned into a bow and arrow!

I shot each of its heads, each arrow hitting it in the eye.

"Woah!" One of my classmates, a _hawt _gothic guy's jaw dropped.

"All in a day's work!" I flipped my hair over my shoulder and gave him an award winning smile.

"You must be a... half-blood! Come on! We've got to get to camp!" he exclaimed, still looking amazed.

"Okay!" I said, skipping over to his car that had randomly appeared out of nowhere.

**-Line Break- **

"Oof!" Nico grunted as he lowered my suitcases onto the ground.

I wandered up to the Big House (I was so awesome, I knew it's name instantly!)

Chiron came up to me and was like: "Ohmygawsh! You're a new camper! Come with me to the Hermes cabin!"

And of course I followed the random horse guy.

**I think... a few of my brain cells **_**died **_**while writing that. **

**Ugh. **

**~ MooseRex010900**


	2. Chapter 2

**Heyyyy! **

**I was so happy when I opened my email inbox and saw... 15 reviews, story alerts, author alerts and favourites! **

**THANK-YOU! **

**I agree, Piper does sound like a Mary-Sue. Hopefully Rick Riordan will develop her character in later books. **

**LillieTyce18981: :P **

**ON with the horrible story!**

**Jez POV**

"Hey, Jez!" The _hawt _gothic guy Nico said. I was so cool that I knew his name instantly.

"Let's go to the campfire!" I said and together we skipped off into the moonlight.

**-Line Break- **

Nico and I sat down on a log together and waited for Horse-Dude over there to say something.

"Hey peeps!" Chiron said. "Let me welcome our newest addition to CHB!"

Everyone stood up and clapped. Yay!

Well, why wouldn't they? After all I _am _Jez'ybelya Mare'eeaxx Adry'ellexx Lurvlleeei Glymmerfli Sapph'yre Hunnipot Sweetyec'akezxx Jones! **(A/N: I'm really starting to hate Jez. Ugh.) **

"Woah!" Dionysus stood up and shook my hand.

All the campers were clearly shocked at Mr. D's behaviour; he _never _normally shook hands with anyone.

Maybe it's because I'm such a _speshul snowflake! _

Suddenly all the campers stopped whispering about my speshul –snowflakeness.

Chiron's jaw dropped and he pointed a shaking finger at a spot just above my head.

It was a... magical unicorn sign!

The blond hanging on to a _hawt _swimmer boy's arm rolled her eyes.

Well, tough for her. Maybe she's jealous of my awesome _pwnage_.

Swimmer Boy over there was staring at me. I returned his gaze with a flirtatious wave and a cute smile.

"I proclaim you, Jez'ybelya Mare'eeaxx Adry'ellexx Lurvlleeei Glymmerfli Sapph'yre Hunnipot Sweetyec'akezxx Jones, the daughter of all the gods! **(A/N: um... Ew?) **

But since I was so speshul, I could somehow date Nico, even though I was technically his half-sister.

Everyone treated me like a princess for the rest of the night. Yay me!

**-Line Break- **

At dinner, I could sit next to anyone I wanted.

I gracefully sat down next to Swimmer Boy, Poseidon's kid.

"Hey!" I smiled at him. "Hey, Jez!" He smiled back at me. "I'm Percy."

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nico shoot Percy a jealous look.

The blonde that had been hanging on to Percy's arm last night glared at me and yelled "Ohmygawsh! Stop stealing my boyfriend!"

And then... it escalated into a food fight.

I used my deadly throwing skills to hit Blondie right in between her eyes! She looked soooooo funny with mashed parsnip dripping down her face!

"Lawl Annabeth! You got owned!" Chiron randomly started yelling at her.

"I will get revenge! I will kill all unicorns! Mwahaha!" Annabeth burst into evil laughs!

"What?! No! We must protect all unicorns!" I gracefully broke down into sobs (again) and cried floods of tears.

"Annabeth! You evil person! Why must you be so... so... _mean?!_" Jason Grace, the _hawt _son of Jupiter (who had randomly appeared) pleaded.

"Mwahaha!" Annabeth continued laughing insanely and then turned in to a fluffy bunny!

"Grrrr!" Fluffy-Bunny-Annabeth growled and hopped off into the sunset.

"Yay! She's gone! Let's party!" Percy broke into excited giggles.

Dionysus snapped his fingers and we teleported to a disco!

I danced with Percy, Nico, Travis, Connor, Frank and tons more boys whose names I don't know.

We did _awesome _dance moves until... a random unicorn ran through the window!

"Help me! There's this wild... _bunny _that's trying to _talk _me to death!" The unicorn pleaded.

"Mwahaha! I have returned!" The Fluffy-Bunny-Annabeth laughed. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'd like to talk this unicorn to death."

"Oh no..." The unicorn groaned.

"Count me in Chiron!" Annabeth-the-Bunny commanded.

"1...2...3...4!" Chiron counted her in with unnatural enthusiasm

"This is the song that doesn't end. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because... This is the song that doesn't end. Yes, it goes on and on my friend. Some people started singing it not knowing what it was, and they'll continue singing it forever just because-"

Fluffy-Bunny-Annabeth was cut off by the unicorn screaming: "_Make it stop!" _

"Never! Mwahaha! This is part of my master plan to make all humans love me!" She screeched.

"Uh... Annabeth. All it's done is make everyone hate you." Nico pointed out.

"You dare speak those ... lies?" Annabeth-The-Random-Fluffy-Bunny shrieked in fury.

Annabeth-The-Random-Fluffy-Bunny exploded randomly after that! Yay!

"Damn. Now I'm going to have to clean this up." Some-Random-Hermes-Kid said gloomily to himself.

"Partyin', partyin', yeah! Fun, fun, fun you know what it is!" Dionysus randomly grabbed a mike and sung lyrics of songs.

"Ugghhhh!" The unicorn groaned. "Please! Someone help me!"

Nico, Percy, Jason and I exchanged a look and we all jumped on to the unicorn's back...

**-line break- ****Annabeth-The-Random-Fluffy-Bunny POV**

"Those... _campers _will be sorry they ever messed with me!" Annabeth-The-Random-Fluffy-Bunny-Who-Had-Somehow-Reformed growled.

"I will have revenge! Mwahahahahah!" she laughed insanely for a while before stopping for a coffee and cupcake break.

**-End-**

**Please... don't even ask me what I was thinking when I wrote this... Ugh. It's just a random piece of rubbish. **

**Seriously. People who write Mary-Sues seriously... just don't do it. You are destroying the quality of countless fandoms. **

**Just... no. **

**R&R! **

**~MooseRex010900**


	3. Chapter 3

**Bonjour mes chers lecteurs et les critiques et bienvenue à ... Chapitre deux! (Did I say that right?) **

**Here is another mentally-scarring chapter! **

**Jez POV**

"Arrgh!" the unicorn groaned, "You dudes are _way _too heavy for me to carry!"

I looked around at Percy, Nico and Jason and... my _awesome-_daughter- of –all- the-gods-brain took over!

I used my epical flying powers to fly alongside the unicorn. Yay me!

We cruised along until the unthinkable happened...

"Hiyaaaaaa!" Annabeth-the-crazy-fluffy-bunny-who-had-somehow-reformed flew over to us on a massive... bee!

I ducked one of her calculated blows and used my extra-epic-awesomely-fast reflexes to start tickling her.

She giggled like crazy and rolled around. Percy gave her a look and said "Um... Annabeth? Are you feeling okay?"

Annabeth-the-crazy-fluffy-bunny-who-had-somehow-reformed leapt off her gigantic bee and onto Jason's head.

"Aaaaaahhhh! Get it off me! Get it off me now!" He screeched, swatting his hands around his head in a fail of an attempt to ward off Annabeth-the-crazy-fluffy-bunny-who-had-somehow-reformed.

_*mental sigh* _

Aaah well. Not everyone can be as _ah-mazing _as perfect as le _moi! _

After a few more minutes of watching Jason shriek like a little girl, I snapped my fingers and the giant bumblebee disappeared.

"Woah..." Nico was staring at me with a dazed expression on my face.

_Yeah, that's right. _

We flew back on the unicorn to camp where... the Demeter kids started pelting us with large amounts of potted soil.

I used my epical shield to protect me from anything that may ruin my perfect face.

Oh, the horror. What would I do if... _soil_ got in my manicure?

_No, _I chided myself, _Jason, Percy and Nico need my help. _

"Hiyaaaaaa!" I froze.

Only my arch-enemy said that.

"_Die, you Mary Sue!_" Annabeth-the-crazy-fluffy-bunny-now-turned-demigod snarled at me.

"_WHAT_ did you just call me?!" My face turned a gorgeous shade of red and I glared at Annabeth.

**-Thalia POV- **

I dashed through the woods, narrowly missing bits of branches that were threatening to whack me in the face. Damn hellhound.

I skidded to a halt as I caught a glimpse of Annabeth and a ridiculously perfect demigod in the middle of a stare-off.

I internally snorted. No one but me could out do Annabeth's death-glare.

I readied my bow and aimed it at the "demigod". I knew their type.

Lady Artemis had told us about the dreaded... _Mary Sue_.

The _Hunters of Artemis _were dedicated to finding Mary Sues and – for the lack of a better word- destroy them.

Hehehe...

I _was_ about to charge over there, whip out _Aeigis _and scare the *BLEEP* out of the "demigod" but then I saw that Annabeth had that demented glint in her eye and I thought better of it.

Yeah, Annabeth's like a little sister to me but she can be pretty terrifying if you get on the wrong side of her and trust me, you don't want to be running down a paddock while being chased by a super-smart mastermind with a dagger screaming at you.

I decided to watch and jump in if she needed me... which was unlikely.

Annabeth's rage made her stronger and more determined to bash the *BLEEP* - jeez, I was only going to say "Hades"! Gods... – out of the Mary Sue.

"_Yeah!_ Go Jez!" Percy yelled and Annabeth whirled around with disbelief on her face.

"You little..." Annabeth growled at Percy and stalked forwards towards him.

"Um...er...eh..." Percy mumbled, backing away slowly while a intimidating Annabeth glared at him.

_Jez_, however was about to sneak up on Annabeth from behind and gut her.

I tip-toed out of the bracken and pointed my bow at Jez's back. "Drop the dagger."

The Celestial Bronze dagger fell to the floor with a clatter and she turned around slowly.

"Boys," I called out to Percy, Nico and Jason. "Stop drooling and tie her up."

They shuffled over to a terrified Jez and trussed her up like a chicken.

"You... you... _evil _demigods! Stop this!" Jez yelled in fury, her face turning an interesting shade of violet.

"And gag her. That voice is getting to me." Annabeth added, staring at Jez with distaste.

"Thals, what's happening?" Jason looked at me in confusion.

"Uh... well... we Hunters like to call it the _Mary Sue Apocalypse._" I decided to glare pointedly at Jez while saying this as it enhanced the whole... menacing feel.

"And...?" Annabeth questioned, one eyebrow cocked.

"So, Camp Half Blood will soon be populated with these... boyfriend-stealing, super-powered, disgustingly-perfect, sickeningly-nice-and-caring monsters." Ha, my logic was watertight.

"_Hey!_ I am not disgustingly perfect! I am just better than you!"I turned around to see that she'd vaporised the gag and was struggling with the bonds.

"Oh no! I have broken my vow!" She suddenly broke down into tears.

"Of what?" Annabeth asked, clearly confused.

"In order to be the speshulest snowflake out there, I must be kind and caring to all I meet." Jez sniffled.

Ugh. Sounds like one of those absurd things that are on birthday cards.

I pretended to hurl and Nico stifled his laughs.

"Hey! It's not funny... you...you..." Jez glowered at me at a loss for words.

"I...I...I what?" I mimicked her.

"_You complete ugly hellhound with a face that could rival Medusa's and a body of a Hyperborean giant!" _She burst out, her face bright red with ferocity.

"Oh!" She gasped before bursting into a shower of glittery butterflies and all things sickening.

"Uh... did we just kill her with... words?" Percy looked confused. Very confused.

"Pretty much." I said, still in disbelief.

"Hey Annabeth, what's with you and turning into a fluffy bunny?" Jason asked Annabeth.

"I... don't know." Annabeth looked confused. "Wait a second! I turned into a what?!"

"A fluffy bunny.' Jason repeated slowly, like he was talking to a toddler.

"I don't remember that!" Annabeth protested.

I remembered something that Lady Artemis told us about the Mary Sues...

"They carry with them a vial of the strongest poison known to demigod-kind." I burst out.

"What is it?" Percy asked.

"It's called OCC, meaning _Out of Character. _It will make the person that it's been used on act exactly like the user wants them to." I announced grimly.

"Oh gods." Annabeth muttered.

Oh gods didn't even begin to cover it. One thing was for sure. We were in for one Hades of a ride.

***gasp* The Apocalypse has begun! **

**The Answers to your reviews... **

**Chiisana Pierrot****: Haha I know right. My Sues do suck. **

**Strawberry MM: I agree, poor Nico**

**Darknesse Sidhe: Awesome name! It's ment to be confusing so don't worry if you don't quite understand it because neither do I! XD **

**LillieTyce18981: I don't know. **

**Blueshroom: Thanks! My brain cells died too, don't worry**

**Hugs6: Sure... what do I call you? Sorry I haven't responded to the PMs I've just been SUPER busy. Sorry!**

**Guest: I know... poor Annabeth**

**Emz: Haha, thanks! Luke... I never thought of him as a Sue but now you say that... **

**See ya next time! **

**MooseRex **

uiuuuuuuhehu OP


	4. Chapter 4

**Bonjour mes amis - encore une fois! J'aime françaises! Hehehe**

**Voila! Chapitre Quatre!**

**-Thalia POV- **

"OCC? I've never heard of it before!" Annabeth frowned in confusion.

"They have other weapons too." I announced to the group. Not surprisingly, they all groaned at the fact that the Sues had another advantage over us.

"Holy Hades." Percy sighed and buried his head in his hands.

"They use things like flamers... to do something." I told the group, uncertain of this information.

"Thalia! Thalia! Guess what?" An overly excited little Hunter barrelled out of the woods and nearly deafened me.

"Penny, calm down. What is it?" I tried to pry the little twelve-year old that was covered in pink glitter off of me.

"We know how to defeat the Sues now!" She squealed excitedly.

"You-" she began happily.

I cut her off by saying "I know. You need them to be mean to you. Then they explode into pink glitter."

"Oh. Anyway, Lady Artemis wants you, Annabeth and the two males to come visit her." Penny's lip curled as she said _males._

**-Annabeth POV- **

Okay, just when I thought my day couldn't get worse, it does.

I've been controlled by a freaky Mary Sue who then had the nerve to insult my friends.

We followed Penny as she wove through the forest, occasionally ducking branches and avoiding pot holes.

Penny occasionally glanced back to see if we were following her.

"Jackson, di Angelo! Hurry up!" Thalia called back over her shoulder.

They scurried over to walk beside Penny who pointedly glared at them and turned away.

"Yeesh." Percy muttered in my ear. "They treat us like we're some sort of... vermin."

**-Change of Scene- **

"Woah..." Nico stood staring at all the high-tech weapons sitting in clean, organised shelves.

"Lady Artemis really does hate the Sues." I muttered under my breath.

"No duh, Annabeth!" Thalia rolled her eyes at me.

"Aaaahhhh! Get off me! Get off me _now!_" _Another_ disgustingly perfect Sue was howling in rage as a large, burly Hunter dragged her across the floor.

"Shut up." The Hunter growled at the Sue who was glaring defiantly at her.

"No! No, I won't!" the Sue snarled back and promptly slapped the Hunter in the face.

Almost immediately Thalia leapt into action. She snatched a piece of rope from a supply cupboard and used it to deftly tie the Sue's hands and feet together.

Ripping a bit of material off her bandanna, she gagged the Sue and stood back to admire her work.

The Sue spat out the gag and yelled wildly "You cannot chain me! I am Luna Star Mona Alexis Dazzle, the only daughter of Kronos! No!"

Luna Star Mona Alexis Dazzle's golden eyes burned with absolute hatred and her lip curled into an ugly sneer.

"Nu-huh. You're coming with _me _princess." The Hunter – who had been slapped – rubbed at the hand-shaped mark on her face and glared at Luna Star Mona Alexis Dazzle.

"Bind me if you will! I shall return, greater and more powerful than ever!" Luna Star Mona Alexis Dazzle gave an insane smile before disappearing around the corner.

Thalia stared distastefully at the retreating figure of Luna Star Mona Alexis Dazzle before saying "That's what we're up against."

"Oh gods..." Jason didn't seem to be able to finish the sentence.

I knew how he felt. A whole army of outrageously ideal "demigods" against thirty to forty of Artemis' Hunters and four demigods? The odds were astronomical. We couldn't win this.

I could see that my companions were having similar thoughts by the expressions on their faces.

"We have something they don't. As cliché as it sounds, actual demigods are better equipped for working together than Mary Sues. They will all fight each other over trivial things like whose hair is better. We can do this." Jason spoke up and everyone looked at him.

"Yeah. But how are we going to fight them?" Percy clearly didn't get the point.

"We use brain, not brawn!" I explained , a mischievous smirk on my face.

"I see!" Thalia'sface lit up in realisation.

"Now come here so we can discuss battle tactics."

**-Change of scene- **

"Everyone ready?" Amy, our Sue-fighting instructor asked.

"Yeah!" We all chorused

"Can any of you tell me what a Mary-Sue is?" Amy asked us.

"It's a p-" I was cut off by Percy who said

"A Mary Sue, sometimes just Sue, in literary criticism and particularly in fan fiction, is a fictional character with overly idealized and hackneyed mannerisms, lacking noteworthy flaws, and primarily functioning as a wish-fulfilment fantasy for the author or reader."

"Perce, man! What happened to you?" Nico put one hand over his heart in mock shock.

"I do read from time to time." Percy shrugged and turned his attention back to an annoyed Amy.

"Okay, now you're all listening, I want to see how you do out in the real world, okay?" Amy smiled mischievously.

Suddenly she flicked a switch and the floor beneath Thalia, Nico, Jason, Percy and I disappeared.

**Thanks for reviewing! Here are the answers. **

**noname: Thanks! **

**Missfantasyfreak: Yeah, there is alot of OCC and tonnes of Sues out there. *sniff* So... sad. Thanks! **

**Greennook: Agreed! **

**Faust: Same here! Except my ghost is writing the story... **

**guest: I love Thalia! She's one of my favourite characters! **

**Booknerd2918: Thanks! **

**LillieTyce18981: Because she's speshul :P. Joking! She broke the Sue Code... which you'll learn about in later chappies...**

**Hugs6: I have a friend called Ree-ree... Thanks! **

**See ya next time! **

**~MooseRex! **


	5. Chapter 5

**Hello fic readers! Recently I've just read Perfect Chemistry and am now obsessed. **

**Review if you are too and we can be obsessed together! **

**Okay, Thalico haters, this chapter has a bit of Thalico in it , FYI. –They are all the same age, kay?- **

***Nico POV* **

Okay, my day has just gotten progressively worse.

First, I was put under a spell and controlled by a Sue.

Secondly, I rode a unicorn. Ugh. Unicorns. *mental shudder*

Third, Thalia came save my butt from the demented Sue – Oh and by the way, do I have a massive crush on her? Yep.

Will Hades kick my demigodly butt if he finds out? I hope not.

Fourthly, I was forced to travel with – not one, but _two_- girls that will kick my butt if they discover that I like Thalia more than a friend...

Gods, what is it with people and wanting to kick my butt?

And fifthly, I was dumped in the middle of a _massive _arena that the Hunters just had casually hidden under their tents.

I briefly considered asking them if the arena was portable but then I realised that I had to get out alive first.

Unsheathing my _Stygian Iron_ sword, I grinned wickedly. _The Hunters didn't know I had this baby. _

I whipped around when I heard a soft sound of leaves crunching.

A scary looking Sue stared back at me.

_Oh crap!_

She pouted in what she thought was a pretty smile. Nope, my heart belongs to _Thalia. _

_Crap! Did I really just say that? Am I that much of a sop? _

"Come here, Nicky." She purred at me and I backed away, seriously scared now.

Okay, _no one _but Bianca called me _Nicky._

"I'm Angelyca Myrabel Teryza Ashleygh Amour. Angie for short." Angie winked at me.

I swung my sword at her, aiming for her leg.

She casually side-stepped my well-aimed thrust.

_Dang. _

"Aw, Nicky. Why'd you do that? Do you _really _want to kill me?" Angie blinked innocently.

As if influenced by some magical force, I trudged forwards and lay my weapon in her waiting palm.

"Good boy Nicky. Now come with me." She sauntered off and I followed her.

_Oh, gods. _

***Percy POV* **

I was just about to gut the seriously annoying _Mariieya Isybelli Claudya Kyara _like a fish but then I saw Nico out of the corner of my eye, following a ridiculously flawless girl like a lovesick puppy.

'Nico!" I broke my concentration to stare in confusion at him.

_Mariieya Isybelli Claudya Kyara _used my distraction to grab me by the chin and kiss me.

My brain went numb. My body went into lock-down mode and I kept my eyes open.

"Percy?" Annabeth's panicked voice sounded from the bush and I shoved _Mariieya Isybelli Claudya Kyara _the hell off me.

Using her distraction against her, I quickly kicked her and slammed the butt of my sword onto her head and with a soft _"Oh," _she disappeared into pink glitter.

I coughed, trying to get the glitter out of my lungs.

"Percy!" Annabeth came running through the bush and barrelled into me.

She shoved me onto the ground and accidentally fell on top of me.

"Oh... sorry." Annabeth blushed furiously.

"Uh... that's okay..." I rubbed the back of my neck sheepishly.

She crawled off me and I got up , rubbing my head.

"Percy... do you know where Thalia is?" Annabeth cleared her head and asked worriedly,

"No..." I replied slowly.

"You do know what this means right...?" Annabeth looked like she'd seen a ghost.

"No..."

"Oh, gods." Annabeth face-palmed.

"What?"

"They've been captured."

**(A/N: I was thinking of ending it here but... I didn't want to!) **

***Annabeth POV* **

Percy and I dashed through the thick overgrowth of trees, hacking and chopping anything that got in our way.

We were so preoccupied that we didn't notice a slim Sue slither down from one of the trees and stalk towards us.

I flinched as I heard a knife whistle past me.

I whirled around to see that we were trapped in a ring of Sues.

"Percy... it's a trap." I whispered hoarsely.

His eyes widened and nodded in understanding.

Two demigods against forty-something Sues? That was hardly fair.

Percy and I stood back to back, ready to fight to the death.

***Thalia POV* **

"Urghhh..." was the first sound that came out of my mouth as I woke up.

The dark son of Hades snored loudly beside me and I restrained myself from pouring cold water on him.

Oh... wait... what am I doing here?

I looked around at the prison – _sorry, tree house- _that the Sues' had put me in.

"C'mon Death Breath! Up and at 'em!"

"Urghhhh..." Nico groaned, dragged himself up and glared at me with sleepy eyes.

I smiled angelically and slowly dragged myself up.

I tried to take a step forwards only to realise too late that my feet were bound together.

"Ahhh!" I screeched as I fell forward and faceplanted.

"Ha, karma's a jerk. Ain't it Thals?" Nico smirked.

"Shut up, Di Angelo, before I kick your butt."

"Thalia, is the floor really _that _attractive?"

"Shut _up!" _

"Oooh! Gettin' a little defensive there huh?"

And with that last cocky remark, I lunged.

**Le answers to your reviews!**

**LillieTyce18981: Make Pheonix eat cheese...**

Nekotan1999: Yeah... possibly... that's a good idea!

Percabeth-is-Endless : YAYAYAAY!

Darknesse Sidhe: Me too, *sniff, sniff* any way... THANKS!

Hugs6: Girl of immense epicness... I like it! XD

MostDefinitelyFlorentine: Okayeth?

**Au Revoir! **

**~MooseRex!**


	6. Chapter 6 - Introducing a new Sue!

**Hey guys! It's me! Well, duh. I just want to say that I'm not trying to offend anyone and please don't take this parody seriously. I might introduce a new Sue each few chapters ... hmmmm... **

**-Lillith Jaydena Mytchelle Rayven Coal Jayde Paige Smith POV- **

Hello.

_Hi _sounds too... _happy _and I despise happiness because I am depressed.

Today I dressed in –_ inserts really long and pretty lame description of clothing – _and tied up the laces of my studded combat boots.

I shouldered a canvas bag, cast one last death glare at the plump, round-faced, _cheery _orphanage leader and dramatically stormed out.

Immersed in my own thoughts about how miserable my life is, I trudged along the pavement.

A firey, tingling sensation ran across my skin and I yelped in pain.

"Ah!" I shrieked, jumping about a foot above the ground.

The sunlight! It burns!

Oh, and did I mention I'm Edward Cullen's younger, hotter, smarter, _better, _vampire sister? Even though Edward Cullen isn't even in this fandom, who cares? This is fanfiction. It hardly ever makes sense.

I moved over to the other side of the pavement where it was adequately shaded and to my disgust, adorned with _flowers. _

The horror.

I edged away from the monstrosity and continued on my path to school, on the lookout for more of the scary creatures.

"Lillith!" A few boys yelled my name from across the street. Stupid preps.

I ignored them, my midnight black, waist-length hair covering my face.

Damn, I've forgotten to include an overly-long description of my looks!

Oh well, here we go.

I have long, luxurious, striking, eye-catching, raven-black hair that flows gently down to my waist.

My complexion is perfect, not a freckle, pimple, mole, what have you is to be seen on my face.

I also have pearly white skin as I am a vampire. Duh. I also sparkle, making me ten times more beautiful.

My teeth are perfectly straight and white.

I have warm, honey coloured eyes that are framed by a fringe of thick, coal-black lashes. My eyes can also change colour according to my mood.

My lips are full, blood red and utterly kissable.

God, I'm hideous.

I began a brisk jog towards school, trying to evade my never-ending line of wannabe boyfriends.

I burst through the school gates, unnoticed by all except the few thousand people who also attended _Goode High School. _

I sighed miserably, no one cared about me.

I let one crystal tear roll down my face before turning to my locker.

I shoved my books in my locker as the preppy pop music played across the speakers.

I winced as I heard everything inside my locker fall down.

_Damn_.

I shouldered my canvas bookbag and stormed off to my first period class.

Unfortunately, I never made it to my AP English class as I was stopped by a random three headed dog who decided to drool on me.

Eww.

I glared at the dog with my now pure onyx eyes.

The dog growled and lunged at me and I just missed getting a rather nasty scrape on the side of my stomach.

Thank _god _for my amazingly fast reflexes.

I rolled to the side of the hallway and using my English folder as a weapon, launched for the three-headed monster.

He growled as I whacked him upside one of his three heads.

I managed a smirk and poised myself for another attack.

Suddenly the monster's legs gave out and fell on top of me.

As the heavy ... _thing_ fell on me, I blacked out.

**-Time Skip...- **

A few hours after my fainting spell, I woke up to see that I was in an infirmary of some sort.

A small, kind of scrawny Latino boy was snoring loudly at the side of my bed.

I quietly shoved the sheets off of the bed and tiptoed out the door.

Of course I only made it a few hundred metres before running smack into a half-hors half-human.

Which was totally normal.

He looked at me sceptically before saying "Aren't you supposed to be in the infirmary?"

"Well, I'm fine now." I countered with one hand on my hip.

"Well. Now you're up, I need to tell you something." He sighed before trotting off.

I began to run after him towards the big, blue farmhouse.

He pulled open a door and sat down in a leather chair.

"Lillith, you're the daughter of a Greek god."

"I know."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"Do you know who she is?" He leant forwards.

"No." I whispered, ashamed.

"Her name is Nyx. Goddess of the night."

My head snapped up in shock.

"Yeah, right." I rolled my eyes.

"Test out your powers then." He asked as if he was challenging me.

I couldn't resist a challenge.

I stretched out my arms and watched his face light up in awe as my body disappeared into darkness.

I experimentally twisted my fingers and the darkness bent to my will.

It surrounded me like some sort of deadly, black cloud.

My surroundings faded away as I became more engrossed with the new powers that I had somehow managed to control my powers within fifteen minutes of me having them.

Crazy, right?

Well, welcome to my life.

Through the darkness, a voice spoke to me.

"Lillith Jaydena Mytchelle Rayven Coal Jayde Paige Smith, my daughter. I am so proud of you."

The voice was cold, yet motherly.

"Mom?" I asked weakly.

"I must go my sweet." The voice then faded away.

Well, that was random.

Chiron's voice brought me back to reality.

"I know who your father is too." He informed me.

Woah, he knows a lot about my life...

Weird much...

"Fine. Who is he?" I challenged him.

"Voldemort."

"What?! He's not even _in _this fandom! Besides, how is it possible that I'm Nyx and Voldemort's daughter_ and _the little sister of Edward Cullen?"

"Neither is Edward Cullen, thank the gods. Besides, it's fanfiction. It doesn't have to make sense."

"True." I agreed solemnly before turning away and storming out dramatically.

**So... did you like it? **

**I hope everyone who's in Hurricane Sandy right now is okay.**

**RIP the dead.**

**Anyways, I'm beginning a Sue contest! Please PM me or Review with your Sue stating their name, family tree, dramatic background, weapon, love interest, appearance and anything else you feel is important. **

**Don't you think Piper was so much better in the MoA? I thought she was. :) PS, I'm not hating on Leo in this chapter. **

**Please review! You know you want to... **

**~LLL14 **


	7. Chapter 7

**Congrats to Hugs6 for being the first entrant in the SYOMS – Submit Your Own Mary Sue! Her Sue is: Topaz Justina Hyacinth Estella Kyleigh October Blu! **

***Lillith the Seriously Weird Sue POV* **

After I'd stormed out of the Big House to add to the drama, I'd headed over to the Hephaestus Cabin because I needed a super cool weapon.

I tentatively knocked on the door and jumped back in shock as the scruffy Latino boy glared at me sleepily.

"_What?" _He groaned, rubbing his eyes with one hand.

"I, uh, need a weapon." I stammered, fiddling with the buttons on my jacket.

"Oh." He cocked an eyebrow and turned to face the inside of the cabin.

"_Hey, Nyssa! We've got some girl who needs a weapon." _He called out to a grimy looking girl who looked like she could lift a motorbike with one hand.

She stormed over to the door and glared at me. "C'mon _princess." _

I gave the girl my famous death glare and she just smirked. "Nice try. Now come with me."

Following her into the cabin, I reached my hand out ever-so-subtly to touch one of the statues lying on the bench.

"Don't touch." Nyssa whipped around and glowered at me.

I quickly yanked my hand away from the statue and sauntered over to where Nyssa was sifting through a pile of Celestial Bronze weapons.

She finally handed me a silvery bow that must have belonged to a Hunter of Artemis.

Just as I was about to pick it up, someone yelled, "No! Don't let her touch it!"

"Thalia?" Nyssa asked curiously. "I thought you were still training."

"Long story short, they released us, captured Jez and we had to run from a horde of angry Sues." She panted, clutching her side.

"Wait, who's _Jez_?" Leo butted in.

"Sue." Thalia replied.

"What is a _Sue?" _Nyssa frowned in concentration.

"Ah! Get off me! No! Go _away!_" A high pitched voice screeched.

"Hey, guys." A tall, dark haired boy with a pale complexion waved at us. I noticed he was gripping someone's arm.

"Whose arm is that?" I asked cautiously.

"Oh, this." He dragged the person into view and I gasped.

"Who is she?" Leo asked dreamily, swooning a little.

Thalia reached forwards and slapped him. "No love magic for you."

"This is Topaz Ugly Fairy – "

Nico was cut off by a rather indignant looking girl.

"I am Topaz Justina Hyacinth Estella Kyleigh October Blu, daughter of the Queen of Pixie Hollow and Uranus. Bow before me!" She proclaimed dramatically.

Her hair was a so blonde it was a silvery white colour and her wide eyes were a deep, rich blue with flecks of purple. In one hand she held a purple wand and in the other a lipstick container.

"Shut up." Thalia rolled her eyes at the outraged fairy/demigod/thing. "Anyways, this is the perfect example of a Sue."

"And you're showing us because..." Leo looked confused. Very confused.

"She's one." Thalia pointed at me and I gasped in horror.

"I am not!" I argued, infuriated.

"Fine, we'll make you do the Test." She turned to Nico who promptly produced a scrap of paper.

"What test?" I asked Thalia.

"Just do it!" She said with an irritated expression.

"Fine." I rolled my eyes and waited for the test to begin.

"Do you have a long, unusually hard to pronounce name?"

"What?" I looked at Thalia like she was psycho.

"Just answer the question."

"Uh.. yeah."

"Do you have ADHD or dyslexia?"

"No! Of course not!"

"Are you supernaturally beautiful?"

"Uh, duh!"

"Are you a child genius with an IQ above Athena's?"

"Yep."

"Are you an amazing athlete?"

"Well, yeah."

"Are you extraordinarily brave?"

"Yeah."

"Are you more powerful than everyone else in existance?"

"Yeah."

"_Hey!_ I am!" Topaz-whatever-her-name-is butted in huffily.

"Shut up." Thalia turned to glare at her before resuming the test. "Do you have a tragic past?"

"Well, if you consider being beaten by the cruel-" I began to say but was cut off by Thalia.

"Okay, we've heard enough." Thalia cut me off again.

"A perfect score." Nico muttered.

I smiled; I didn't get anything less than perfect.

"Nico, Jason, take them away." She motioned for the two boys to grab my arms.

"_Jason!_" Topaz-the-irritating gasped and smiled flirtatiously.

Jason looked at her in disgust and sent Thalia a pleading look.

Thalia just smirked and motioned for them to take us away.

Nico grabbed my arm and marched off into the woods with us.

Using my supernatural hearing abilities, I heard Thalia say to Nyssa,"You had quite a bad one there."

"I know. So annoying." I bristled at the statement and growled under my breath.

Nico glared at me, so I shut up.

**-Jason POV- **

"So, Jason." Topaz-the-weirdo smiled creepily.

"I, uh, have a girlfriend. Her name's Piper." I stammered, backing away.

"I'm sure you could do _much _better." She leaned in like she was about to kiss me.

Suddenly she dropped to the floor and a large clang was heard.

Behind her stood a furious Piper McLean holding a frying pan.

"Hey, Pipes." I sighed in relief.

Without a word, she grabbed the fairy/demigod/thing by the arm and began dragging her through the forest where we played Capture the Flag.

I sighed, ran a hand through my hair and ran after Piper.

"Pipes, I'm sor-" She cut me off by saying, "Don't say you're sorry. It's not your fault."

"Oh. Are you alright." I asked, trying to be nice.

"Just dandy." She said sarcastically.

"Do you need any help?" I asked motioning to the unconscious girl she was dragging behind her.

"Jason, I think I can manage carrying someone who weighs about as much as a five year old girl." She rolled her eyes.

"Oh. Right." I felt like an idiot.

"Jason, what are we going to do? The Sues are much stronger than us." Piper had a worried expression on her face.

"Don't worry. We'll be fine." I said as I grabbed the fairy/demigod's other arm and together Piper and I dragged her through the forest.

**The Sue contest is still open! **

**Name:**

**Age: **

**Godly Parent (s): **

**Family Tree: **

**Appearance: **

**Powers: **

**Romantic Interest: **

**What do they wear?: **

**Anything else: **


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi again! It's been great to receive so many entries! **

**_Flashback in Thalia's POV_**

_"And... run!" Nico's hushed voice sounded out from behind me. _

_I leapt out of the tree house in one bound and turned as Nico appeared out of the shadows behind me. _

_"Gah!" I jumped about a foot in the air. _

_"Don't DO that!" I tried to regain my breath as Nico chuckled. _

_"Get them!" A Sue with pale blonde hair stuck her head out the window and yelled to her friends. _

_Oh gods... _

_Nico and I started sprinting but the Sue tapped the purple wand– I know, weird – on her back and sprouted wings. _

_Crud!_

_She caught up to us soon enough though. _

_"Ahem. Where do you think you're going?" She grabbed Nico by the collar of his jacket and twirled him around to face her. _

_"Uh... we... uh-" I cut him off by saying, "We can take you to see Percy!" _

_She frowned and said, "Sorry, not interested. You better come up with a good reason I should go with you." _

_I began thinking, what were the most common love interests for their kind? _

_Nico and Percy were out so that left..._

_"Jason! We can take you to see Jason!" I blurted out and the Sue's face lit up in excitement. _

_"Oh, you mean my future husband! Sure!" She flipped her hair and smiled. _

_"Topaz Justina Hyacinth Estella Kyleigh October Blu Grace..." She sighed dreamily. _

_"So that's your name? Topaz JuJu Hill-"Nico began only to be stopped by a furious looking Sue. _

_"Topaz Justina Hyacinth Estella Kyleigh October Blu – soon to be Grace!" She huffed indignantly. _

_"Oh. Okay. Sure." I smirked evilly. I wouldn't let Jason forget this. Ever, _

**_OVER TO PERCY AND ANNABETH – ANNABETH POV_**

_We stood back to back, my dagger at hand. _

_I bit my lip in concentration. _

_"Stop!" A voice called out through the crowd of Sues that were threatening to attack us. _

_A curly haired blonde stepped into the light. _

_I nearly fell over. _

_She looked just like me. _

_Percy's eyes were as wide as saucers and he kept looking nervously at me and... her. _

_"Who are you?" I asked, quite annoyed. _

_"I am Anniebeth Minerva Athena Shaniqua Kaysie Chase! But call me Anniebeth, peasants." She proclaimed loudly. _

_She's not my sister... please no... Mom, I internally begged. _

_Percy turned to me anxiously, "She's your... sister?" _

_I scoffed, "Gods, no!" _

_"You see, Annabeth. In order for me to be released from this prison, I must defeat you and take your place." She readied herself in a fighting stance with a bronze dagger identical in every way to mine. _

_I assumed my stance and turned to face her. _

_Percy however had been staring at us with a confused look on his face. _

_"You're on." I smirked at the crazy girl in front of me._

_"A fight to the death! Prepare to bow to me!" She yelled and thrust her dagger forwards. _

_I parried the strike, wincing at the awful screeching sound of metal on metal. _

_She drove her dagger forwards and I narrowly missed the blade that was aimed at my heart. _

_As the battle progressed, I realised that I couldn't go on for much longer. _

_So, I reasoned, I'd have to beat her with intelligence. _

_Feigning exhaustion, I drooped forwards, panting heavily. _

_Anniebeth put the point of her dagger just under my jaw and said, "Rise."_

_I mentally rolled my eyes and got up slowly. Just as she turned around to receive the applause from her fellow Sues, I made my move. _

_I ran forwards and tackled Anniebeth to the ground. _

_"Ah! Get OFF me!" She screeched, flailing her arms and legs wildly. _

_"Nope."I said with broad grin on my face. _

_"Fine," She sighed, rolling her eyes. "but must you be so melodramatic about it?" _

_"Excuse me?" I said in disbelief. _

_"You heard me." Anniebeth shrugged. _

_Then suddenly, all the Sues surged forwards and Anniebeth wriggled out of my grasp. _

_"Get them!" She screeched._

_They rushed forward, all eyes trained on me. _

_ I slashed and hacked with my dagger at anything in sight. _

_Whirling around, I tried to catch sight of Percy through the crowd._

_And that was when I was stabbed. _

**-Sue Hunters 3rd Person POV- **

"So, Doctor. How are we supposed to fix the situation we've gotten ourselves into?_" _ A teenage girl with black hair and purplish streaks, clad in a pair of combat boots, leant forward in interest.

"The amounts of Self-Insert stories are going up and the amounts of quality OC stories are going down." A man dressed in a white lab coat mused thoughtfully.

"And this means?" The girl asked expectantly.

"Maria, this means that one of the fandoms we rule over is being invaded by these... _abominations!" _The doctor stood up in indignation.

"Well, why aren't we doing anything?" She yelled, red in the face.

"Maria, sit. We'll only step in when things get too out of hand. Right now, the Hunters of Artemis seem to be handling the situation." A mysterious man sitting at the end of the hall , clasped his hands together and fixed them all in a serious gaze.

"Hmph. _Barely._" She snorted and marched out.

**-scene change, still in sue hunter's POV-**

Maria strode down the hallway, a furious glint in her eyes.

She wanted to do what she did best; capture Sues.

Hooking a left, the Sue Hunter pushed open the white double doors leading to where the captured Sues were kept.

She smiled half-heartedly at the security guard and raised her hand in an odd sort of wave.

He nodded curtly and returned to his book, which Maria suspected, was that vampire novel he was obsessed with, _Nightlight _or something of the sort.

Scanning her ID card, she pushed the gates open and they locked shut behind her.

Maria opened the door saying, _Captured Sues/Self Inserts, _and slipped in, unnoticed by anyone.

In Cell A1, Sage Maria Emerald June July Anaklusmos not-a-sue, the first Sue she'd captured , lived alone.

She was a daughter of Apollo and Korra, a thought that does not need to be extended upon.

"Argh!" She hurled herself at the door and Maria jumped in shock.

"Maria!" Sage Maria Emerald June July Anaklusmos not-a-sue groaned.

"What?" Maria turned around, irritated with the Sue.

"This kid's being annoying!" She whined, flipping her long, chocolate curls.

"Am not!" Another Sue barged into view and put her hands on her hips.

"Who are _you_?" Maria asked, confused. "I don't remember capturing _you!_"

"I am Amelya Selana Isobel Cornelya Marye Vyolit Emirald Dyamond Ravin Nightingale, daughter of Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way! Call me Amy though!" She played with a strand of curly, golden blonde hair and batted her eyelashes.

"What?" Maria's mouth was open in shock. _Wasn't Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way the biggest troll ever?_

"Uh... that's not possible. Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way isn't in a fandom!" Maria stated firmly.

"Uh, yes it is and who cares?" The Sue rolled her now violet eyes and sighed.

"Okay. I give." Maria held her hands up in surrender. Truthfully, she just couldn't be bothered arguing with a Sue.

Maria sighed and continued walking down the dark hallway.

"Wait! Maria!" A high pitched, melodious voice wafted down the corridor and Maria turned back for a second.

Maria rolled her eyes and trudged back to cell A1.

"What?" She asked, exasperatedly.

"Maria..." Sage Maria Emerald June July Anaklusmos not-a-sue whined.

"Oh. My. God. What?" Maria turned, irritation evident on her face.

"I want to see my one true love! Leo Valdez!" Sage Maria Emerald June July Anaklusmos not-a-sue - Let's just call her 'Sage'- sighed dreamily.

"What?" Maria was furious. "Hiya!" She leapt on the Sue, kicking and scratching every part of Sage she could reach.

"What? Do you.. _love Leo?" _Sage smirked, holding Maria by the scruff of her neck.

"Sorry, hon. I'm sure he'd prefer me over you." Sage turned to Amy and they giggled snarkily.

"Psh. Yeah. right." Maria smirked.

"Oh, by the way. Colour-changing eyes? So last week." Maria rolled her eyes and mocked the sue.

The Sue's face was contorted in fury and whirled in a perfect arc and karate-chopped her on the head.

The last thing Maria saw before she gave into the blackness, was the brunette Sue reaching over for Maria's Sue Hunter ID card.

And that's when everything went black.

**Sues belong to Hugs6, Thukefan101, Percabeth-is-Endless (sorry!) and Epikcheese! If I didn't use your Sue this chapter, don't worry! I will! **

**LLL14!**


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